Somewhere along the way, we started believing that to be heard, we had to be harsh. That strength meant being louder, tougher, or more direct - even if it bruised someone along the way.
But here's the truth:you don’t have to be mean to make your point.
In leadership, how welistenshapes how welead. And we listen through four lenses:fear, judgment, curiosity, and love.
- Fearmakes us defensive.
- Judgmentmakes us right.
- Curiosityinvites understanding.
- And love?Lovemakes space for growth, grace, and connection.
The more we can shift from fear and judgment into curiosity and love, the more impact we make - without sacrificing kindness.
Think about the last tough conversation you had.
Were you listening to protect yourself?
To be right?
Or were you genuinely curious about the other person’s perspective?
Were you willing to be changed by what they said?
When leaders approach feedback, accountability, and disagreement through the lens of curiosity or love, the result is radically different. People don’t shut down - they lean in. They feel seen, respected, and open to change. And importantly, they walk away whole.
Leading with kindness doesn’t mean softening your standards or avoiding challenge. It means being intentional with your language, direct without being damaging, and firm without being forceful.
If you're feeling worn down by the weight of responsibility and tired of leading from a space of reactivity, maybe it's time to shift the lens. To move from fear to love. From judgment to curiosity.
Because when you do, the conversations you’ve been avoiding start to feel doable. The culture you’ve been chasing begins to emerge. And the team you’ve been carrying starts to carry their own weight - with you.
✨ If you're ready to lead with strengthandkindness, without burning out, then run an in-house Lead to Strengthen program where we talk about all of these concepts and how to shift your approach.
Let’s build the kind of leadership that lifts everyone - including you.
With strength and kindness.
Shelley Flett is a transformational leadership trainer and executive coach who believes the journey to dynamic leadership is lifelong, it's exciting and challenging - and the most fulfilling adventure one can embark on in their career. It's a journey to take with others - to learn, to grow, to fail, to love and experience all the joy that comes with being imperfectly human - together!
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